Corrosive Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a corrosive and insidious form of self hate. If you suffer from perfectionism you are incapable of unconditionally loving yourself. What one can often blithely pass off as a set of standards to measure oneself by is rather a mechanism for denigrating self worth. Perfectionist suffer from internal messages and feelings that their efforts aren't good enough and should be better. They can easily make others suffer from the same relentless judgments they hold when expectations are not achieved. Perfectionism is a rat caught in a maze with a bar always set too high.

I once heard of a writer who claimed that every story he wrote was exceptional. An interviewer questioning him asked how this was possible. He amiably replied, ' I lower my standards'. This writer had a wonderful sense of reality, that the finest of arrows shot at a target will only sometimes hit the mark. What the writer enjoyed was the writing, the results were what they were. Most perfectionist no longer enjoy the process they are involved in because they are invested in particular results that will conform to their inner set of standards.

Healing from perfectionism means loving yourself as you are and appreciating the effort you are making, not the results you are attaining. There is a difference between striving for excellence and being a perfectionist. Somebody who strives for excellence but misses the mark can come away feeling good about themselves. The perfectionist is miserable and the internal dialog will always be one of self criticism.

Zen teaches students to treasure themselves, to recognize themselves as a Buddha, which means shining the lights of loving kindness, patience, spaciousness, and gentleness on themselves as they walk through the dusty world. If you find yourself trapped in perfectionism you might find that cutting yourself some slack and looking more deeply into the well of your motivations will give you some peace of mind. Who knows how you will influence the world when you completely embrace yourself as you are?!