Loneliness is a modern plague. Sociologist Philip Slater wrote a book called 'The Pursuit of Loneliness' that suggests that our society is designed to produce loneliness. Loneliness is at the core of addictive behavior along with shame, and often the tragic reality of many a marriage and family, caretaker and child. I think of loneliness as the root of people 'living quiet lives of desperation'.
People need people. Our intimacies and relationships define us. From a Zen perspective we are the matrix and interplay of all forms of life, never separate or alone. The sangha is treasured because it represents the body of Buddha, and as such, is a refuge of warmth, love, growth, meaning, safety, harmony, and peace. It is a community within which we can establish and delight in our roots. One of the vows of a Zen student is not to cause disruption within the sangha. There is an intention to be a steward of that which is central to human wholeness and well being: community and friendship.
How do we heal our loneliness, the abandonments we have felt, the loss of friendships, marriages, families, work, roots, countries we have emigrated from? I think of insight as a means of ferreting out the roots of loneliness. How have we been harmed in our fundamental sense of belonging? And what patterns do we have that keep us stuck there, this is a significant question of responsibility, we reinforce what we have learned through self defeating behaviors and patterns. I think of community as the healing. When we are lonely we need to reach out and ask for friendship, as well as follow the grandmotherly advice that 'the best way to make a friend is to be a friend'. Sometimes pride or our 'stuck in the mud' attitudes can keep us from doing what we need to do to join in community.
Awakening in its deepest sense means transforming a sense of separateness to a sense of profound intimacy with life. Meditation itself is an expression of this connection, the silent world of intimacy can be a well of comfort and shared common ground.
Lonliness Plague
